a bout with poor memories


I remember being very young, when we were living in atlantic highlands, and going down to the where all the mailboxes were. in the mailbox was a dukes of hazard car that had been ordered for me, very excited.

I remember winning a Tang contest because of a picture I drew (“Tang tastes good in space.”) I won a t-shirt.

I remember taking in a jar of pollywogs for show and tell in kindergarten. I found them in upstate new york, where we had just gone on vacation. I carried the jar to school inside a brown paper bag with the Trix cereal bunny on it. As I was leaving school, in glee because of my good show and tell, I dropped the bag and jar, which broke. I thought the world had stopped, I remember now that I considered all the pollywogs my buddies and that I told myself that I had just killed them. I started running home which was a few blocks away, a blubbering mess the entire way. it took a few days to recover from it.

I remember smoking parliament cigarettes that Frankie Mischovic would steal from his mom, with a couple other friends, in the woods by the batting cages. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but remember the taste of smoke, of lighting matches and feeling grown up.

I remember getting into a big bicycle accident while going down Elizabeth terrace in Shark River Hills. I had lied to my parents and said it happened at the bike track in SRH because I was supposed to be so far away. I was riding my first bicycle down the road, which is a tremendous hill, amazingly steep, closed whenever it snowed because it was so dangerous to drive on, a big community thing then for sledding. halfway down the hill the old bicycle I was riding started shaking, the handlebars almost seemed ready to start spinning. I can’t remember if I flipped over the handlebars or not. I was wearing flip flops (smart!) and skinned a lot of skin off the top of toes. the major injuries were on my elbows. my left elbow had a thick gash, and big enough to fit a pinkie finger into. my right elbow had a similar gash, and both still bear scars.. After it happened, I got up kind of stunned and hobbled to a house on the street. I yelled to a man working with loud power tools, asking if he had any paper towels. I remember soaking in the bathtub, having my arms wrapped up in bandages, and having to get a tetanus shot. I don’t think I ever tried riding a bicycle down there again.

I remember walking down the West Sylvania Ave. with Belinda Krone. it was night time and a new kid in the town (or from Avon?) who liked her, and perhaps thought I was another kid who often got into fights with over her, came up behind us and pressed a knife against my back. he made me get down onto the ground, humiliating. This kid was always fighting with my friend, Z-man. I remember calling him down to the park one time, unaware that this other kid and a bunch of others were waiting to jump him. He was sucker punched, knocked to the ground, kicked in the face numerous times, his cell phone was taken. I felt extremely guilty after this, but Z-man never held it against me or considered it my fault. The other kid was eventually put in his place when another one of our friends held him over the SRH bridge.

I remember playing my first real show. I was in a death metal band called Mordacity. we played at a club in Asbury Park called the rainbow bar or rainbow room. we played with Human Remains, Latshaw and a few other bands. I was nervous, but it was a good first experience.

I remember a show at Scott Kruse’s house, it was for his birthday. This was when I was singing for Outlook. I sang a Cypress Hill cover with a friend’s band too.

I remember Scott Kruse getting into a fight with someone after school, maybe with Travis Mullens? Scott was losing the fight, and I was so upset by the whole thing that I was crying. Maybe it began to dawn on me then how useless violence is, although I can’t say for sure that I wasn’t ready to ring someone’s neck.

I remember Will Sheridan wanted to fight me. He was huge, and I don’t know why he wanted to fight me. He was going out with my ex-girlfriend Rachel Serfaty. He was a big, football player and I wasn’t going to fight him. we never did fight. I remember how uncomfortable it was walking down the hall in high school if he was there too. he would give me looks like he wanted to rip my head off.

I remember playing a show while singing for pictures of gabriel. it was in dover, nh and put on by Joshua hale (nessuno). I can’t remember what other bands were playing the show, except a band that dancefloor Justin was in and possibly also days ahead. the show was in a small diner/café. it was our first real show. tho they seemed to be mortal enemies, both sean connor and sh were right up front singing along (how did they know any of the words?) and wearing masks, dancing like maniacs. very fun show because of them. after our set, radhika ramana came up and did some wild spoken word, hard to hear much of it. Jessica and Andrew came up for this show because they were driving me home to nj for a visit. we left shortly after our set, and I drove most of the way home-only falling a bit asleep at the very end on route 9.

I remember waking up one morning in Philadelphia to the sound of a car crash. I jumped out of bed and to the window and across walnut st. saw a guy running up the alleyway with a few cops chasing him.

I remember moving in with Amanda in Philadelphia. that spring and summer was many nights of quiet solitude in our room, the bed taking up the majority of the room. we had the later kitchen table in there as a computer desk. we split the closet down the middle, Amanda had the left side, and I had the right.

I remember seeing Canda and his wife leaving veggieworks one night as I was getting off of work, walking home. I knew it was them but was nervous to say hello because I didn’t think they would remember me from the the new brunswick preaching center. later we both recalled it and he did recognize me. I felt pretty silly.

I remember linus playing shows in florida for a few days with new found glory and i have dreams. sleeping on many floors, meeting kids, new friends,


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